Mirror

hmm had so much to day but when i get down and type the words seem stuck and all my mind can think about is the econs MCQ that i left undone to come online and blog and vent and let out all my thoughts/fustrations/feelings i have been feeling this week. screw the lousy sentence structure, seriously...

i am begining to feel the pressure of JC life and it is really not good. for the past few days and slightly today (though i have almost come to terms with it) i have turned into a bitter monster. dont you remember the days that gave your life some kind of anticipation and excitement? well, now its just BOOKS. yes yes i know that with God everyday is an adventure and i would honestly love to think that my jc life is an adventure as well which it is most of the time but sometimes, the going gets tough... i dont want to live every minute of my life thinking about books and how far behind econs revision i am. there has to be more to all of this.

turning into a mean green BITTER monster

but than as i headed down to the hospital something inside me changed. true i may not be able to see the drive in me still (maybe because i am too easily conetented, which i am in certain areas of my life) but i begin to realise that i hvae a very myopic view on things. there are so many people out there trying to get pass day by day and yet, i am bitter over these issues? nobody's problems are insignificant but its just that you will begin to realise the magnitude of things. how BIG the world is.. how much needs to be done. i cant really put it into words but i guess its like people are fighting for survival and deadly dieseases and here i sit whinning?

well one thing i feel really blessed about in NY despite all the stress are my friends. as i was telling jamie today i really dont know how i will manage to head down to UNI without their company. i mean i have never been in such a chummy class before where i literally can feel the love for each other. i mean my primary school classmates are nice but at that point in time we were still KIDS... my secondary school was not bad but my jc class is just the cherry on top of the cake. i mean the way our class pieces together is just so... nice (: really love my classmates. i will really miss them when we have to part.

how is it that when i pray for you the words flow so easily yet i remain helpless in this situation? but i will still keep the faith in the Lord that he will ALWAYS be my guide. the task ahead of me will never be as great as the power behind me...

Psalms 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

i really cannot imagine life without the Lord.