Where does one find it?!

its a wonder how when i read heng's blog she just brings so many things that i feel into place. her latest entry about searching for one's identity is one i seriously can relate to but i have never found the opportunity to put into words. I just couldnt find the words. I really feel like i am not moving. sometimes i am certain of who i wanna be yet sometimes i am not. how is this possible? do i really know what kind of person i wanna be? where am i moving with everything and in what direction? so many questions... what is it that i want?

I used to shelve this question aside as i believed that life is an endless journey of self discovery. Therefore, we should not press for answers but now i really want the answers. and the thing about the answers is that only you can find them out for yourself no one can help you. You are the one discovering yourself hence, only you will know.

Sometimes you dont want to care about what others think. you just want to be yourself. than again what does be yourself actually mean? and can you really go through life not bothering about what pthers think? i mean lets be practical, the world is made up of people. slightly ironic isnt it? the fact that you are told not to care what others think and yet you have to get along with these people, whoever they may be.

i suddenly have the urge to say that i should turn to god and seek solace in him but i will be honest my christian walk seems to be at a pause mode. like everything is moving around me except my walk with God. it has come to a standstill. or maybe i am moving further and further away? i dont wanna break out of my comfort zone cos i dont wanna go and mix with people which at the moment i really cannot relate to. i just dont see the need to make myself all uncomfortable. There i said it. i just want a break maybe a permanent one. I dont want to go there and try to blend in with people okay i really dont know how to put it in a nice way. so yeah i jsut dont want to make myself mix around with people i dont think i can relate to and i so do not want to feel uncomfortable all the time.

its funny how nowadays i seem to bring out myself so much more on my blog. i dont feel it clogging up inside. i just write what i wish to say. oh yes i am not unhappy just confused. its just my take on things so far. its what i am going through, emotionally. :D on alighter note tml is valentine's day!! i have no valentine's but i hvae fan-tastic friends so yep i am looking forward to it. BURNT A HOLE IN MY WALLET. so i m kinda broke. i need to stop spending money lah. :/ oh yah i cannot type have properly leh. always type as hvae leh i think my brain is shrivelling. :( what to doooo. i really need to think more!!

alright gtg TOODLES. lin feng here i comeeeee :)